I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
