Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
