There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
