I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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