Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
