Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
