we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
