You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
