i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
