My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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