Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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