You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
