p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
