he thought i was a dude.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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