carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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