I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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