and my herpes radar will keep us safe
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
