I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
