On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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