I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
His nipple licking is glorious
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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