I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
