you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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