One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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