What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
