i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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