i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
