o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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