Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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