only you would photoshop your dick
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
