this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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