I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
