I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
