just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I FOUND THE LEGS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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