well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
