Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
