3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please, let me fuck your mom
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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