Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He passed out mid-signature
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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