im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
