I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
