I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
