Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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