please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
