I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
