Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
