My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
