somebody snuck up and got me drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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