Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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