Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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