um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
