note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Those nachos came to me in a dream
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
